“Seriously, Gay men better stop calling me “Twinkie.” I have a shelf-life, thank-u-very-much! And I don’t always have creamy-white-shit stuffed inside of me! So, HA!” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“Why em I always walking in my fucking dreams? I love it when my subconscious forgets that I live in LA…cause, who walks in L.A?” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“I’ve never seen my mother so excited over a show before. She’s anxiously waiting for ABC’s “CougarTown.” Finally, a show she can relate to.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“You know what makes me believe Jesus Christ is a fucking Jehovah’s Witness… He’s clearly stopped accepting Facebook friend requests after 144,000.”-Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“Just downloaded Obama’s Socialist application on my iPhone. Way cool!” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“I need to understand that I can only have 1 daddy at a time, unlike Gaybies who can have more than one. Damn them!” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
Voicemail Message: “Hi Derek, Can you check your couch for me? I lost my self-esteem last night and I think I might have left it at your house. Well, if you find it, give me a call. I might need it this week.” -BEEP-
“I suck at history. What was the year when the battle for Cancer took place? All I know is that who ever fought them, ended up losing.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“I love heroin addicts cause you always need someone to look down on.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“Porn sounds best in surround sound. Thank you George Lucas!” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“If my mother were my friend on Facebook she probably would have me under a filter titled, “Regret.” She is so technologically advanced!” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“My boyfriend thinks he’s funny.This morning I found a hose attached from my exhaust pipe to the passenger window. That prankster.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“A real actor with dyslexia would overdose first and then get famous. Then i’ll believe you.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“So I dated a real Dick before, but he preferred me calling him “Rick.” He can legally be called a “Dick,” now that’s cool.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“You wanna know what freedom taste like…vanilla ice cream. Yup, white people have fucking known this fact forever & have kept it on the down-low.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“So my boyfriend tried to deport me. What a sweetheart; always trying to surprise me with last minute vacation plans.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“I hate it when my boyfriend calls me ‘bad ass’…cause i can never tell if he’s being sarcastic or honest.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
“If my boyfriend were to 1 day kill me. He would probably put braces in my mouth so that police would have a tough time identifying the dental work. Hooray for fucked-up teeth.” -Derek Villanueva (villalink)
Derek Villanueva shows you his "Forehead Skin"
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